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One of the first things I learned as an early childhood teacher in training was to use the broken-record technique for very young children. I was told to simply repeat my requests over and over again calmly until the child complied.
At the time, I didn't know the method was an assertiveness technique used for non-compliant adults.
It makes perfect sense, now, to learn that it would work for both. I found the following 2 definitions on the internet and inserted the words 2-year-olds where appropriate.
The Broken Record Technique is a form of assertive behavior. It is a verbal response that is firm and clear and conveys a message that you mean what you say. It tends to work well in situations where people (2-year-olds) want to argue, don’t want to listen, are non-compliant with treatment, forgetful or disorganized. https://ascellus.com/learn-the-broken-record-technique/
According to psychologyspot.com :
"This technique of calmly repeating your decision is called the 'broken record' response. It will help you stand firm against even the most aggressive person (2-year-old) without increasing the level of conflict. "The broken record technique may be especially helpful if you ever have to deal with a drug-seeking, (attention seeking) or otherwise persistent (2-year-old) patient."
Many of the early childhood teachers I worked with at the time used this technique with limited success . Sure the compliant kids complied, but others said, "I don't have to.", "You're not my Mother", or just, "Why?".
40 years later, from a bird's eye view, I think I can see why it didn't work in that situation. The kids didn't have any internal motivation to do the things we were asking like "eat your sandwich" or "use your walking feet inside" They tuned us out and moved on to do what they really wanted to do. Play and socialize.
What I know now, more than 40 years later, is that the broken-record-technique can and does work. It can work to create compliance but even better yet, it can work to create resilience.
That's because, according to brain science, young children's brains are busy creating a million new neural pathways every second and the ones we use more often become stronger. So the words they hear over and over again, day in and day out are the ones they grow to believe and act on.
The part about being clear and repeating ourselves calmly is useful as long as we're repeating the right words at the right times. At the end of the article I'll talk about what to do in cases where a young child refuses to comply no matter how many times you ask.
For now, I'd like to focus on the words to use in order to build exactly what we want to see more of in young children. I've compiled some of the best words and phrases I've used over the years along with short explanations for each. I would encourage you to use them often. Here are the top 5.
one
That was helpful.
Let them know when they do something you like so they know what to do to please you. This is as clear as you can get. When a child hears these words over and over again, they get a feeling that they can contribute positively and that they matter to you. Whenever you can, use their name and give some details about how they actually helped you with their behavior.
two
I'm listening.
We don't always understand what young children want but we can show them that they matter enough to try. They may need something sensory like a hug or a bath, or they may need movement like a tickle or a game. They may need sleep. The main thing is that they know we're there for them. Sometimes people just need silence in order to open up.
three
You can take turns. I'll help you.
Many people tell young children to "share" forgetting that they don't know what it means or how to do it yet. When children are under the age of 4, it's often best to encourage turn-taking since it's more concrete and therefore doable. Help them but always do the least you have to do to get them to succeed.
four
I'm a person, too.
Children are born completely egotistical for reasons of survival. It's our job to get them to slowly come the the realization that other people have feelings, too. That doesn't mean we have to be nasty but we do have to set boundaries. Once they understand their own feelings they can start to understand the feelings of others.
five
I don't let anyone hit me. I won't let anyone hit you.
Say this firmly and follow through by standing up or putting the child down. Everyone has the right to physical safety. Live your life according to this rule and say it often. Hopefully your child will repeat it to others when necessary.
If we want to grow respectful citizens who know how to set boundaries and make choices without using violence, we need to set a good example. Children learn by observation.
On a lighter note, we need to get our children to listen more often without having to yell or threaten a time out. So what should we say when they drop their jacket on the floor and refuse to pick it up or when they say "later" every time you ask them to take our the trash even though it really stinks?
This is where the broken-record technique can also come in handy. After you've made a request once, and they already know that you like a tidy living room in order to feel relaxed. Just repeat the request, "your jacket" , and point to it. You can repeat the request calmly over and over but say nothing else until they listen.
Here's the trick. Don't let up or stop looking directly at the child until they comply. Be more persistent in your request to them then they are with their ignoring. Don't let their world move on until that jacket is on the hook.
If you've set the tone for a good relationship by using phrases like the top 5 found in this article over and over again, your child will respect you enough to comply when faced with your insistence.
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Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, parent, grandparent, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood education at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in
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