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one
True or False? It's normal for toddlers and 2's to hit, kick and bite each other during play.
two
True or False? Since kicking, hitting and biting are normal behaviors for toddlers and 2's, it's OK to let it run it's course.
three
True or False? There isn't much we can do to stop hitting, kicking and biting in toddlers.
four
True or False? The best thing adults in charge can do to teach young children not to hurt each other is to give a time out to the child who started the problem.
five
True or False?
Our society is in trouble because people don't teach their children right from wrong.
The answer to the first question is true. It's perfectly normal for toddlers to hit, kick and bite at times. It's part of their development. They need to try behaviors out to know whether or not they work.
The answers to questions 2-5 are all false. Someone needs to teach young children how to get along with each other, hitting won't run it's course and it could become a automatic behavior or a habit, especially if it works to get what they're after.
Time-outs might not work because assigning blame is required and that can be difficult for everyone. Better to work on the problem itself as outlined in this article about hitting or non-violent communication as featured in our PLAN for peace.
And finally, are most parents teaching their kids right from right from wrong? Could that be the problem?
Empathy has taken a nosedive in recent years and it's probably not because parents don't try to get their kids to behave. It's more likely that they can't get them to behave because they don't know what's appropriate anymore. There's so much conflicting information out there. Many parents either try too hard or they quit trying altogether.
Want some specific ideas on things to do and say to help people development empathy?
Here's a special opportunity for you to take a look at our new eBook about 11 things You Can Do To Create World Peace.
Empathy and everything else in life are a combination of nature and nurture. We need to accept that and move forward from the old nature vs. nurture debate. It's no longer scientifically relevant.
Emotional development begins early in life. The ability to regulate one’s own emotions and manage successful interactions with other people is key for later academic performance, mental health, and social relationships. -National Scientific Council on the Developing Child
So why wait? Current brain science at distinguished Universities such as Harvard, Northwestern Illinois, and California at Irvine tell us to start early and to focus on emotions.
So why don't we?
Our current focus on early childhood education in the US seems to be to wait until they're four and give them a good dose of ABC's and 123's before kindergarten. Plus a bit of knowledge on how to get along with others in a school-like setting.
It isn't a horrible idea in theory but it doesn't work unless the children have already acquired some degree of emotional regulation before they enter that pre-k classroom. That's why we need to focus on what happens to young children during their first few years
Just as negative experiences and exposures are more likely to have harmful impacts in early childhood, anything we do to protect children during that time is likely to have significant positive effects on development. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard
That means we need to focus on quality interactions in the home and in our child-care settings if we want to create a better society with less violence and more clear communication.
Only10% of the child care in the US is high quality. That could be a huge problem for parents who want to work outside of the home, early childhood teachers, and the children they care for. This doesn't make sense in a society that desperately needs to work on creating more empathy and less violent crime.
Early childhood rocks is a non-profit org designed to help and support early childhood teachers and parents. We also promote a collective collaboration between the two.
If you're interested in learning more about the PLAN, click here and join our community for free! You'll immediately get our eBook called How to Get Kids to Listen and Like It. It contains 22 phrases that are proven to work by child care teachers everywhere.
Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human dev from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI and is the founder of early childhood rocks, a non-profit org dedicated to creating change through early childhood education.
citation: National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004). Children’s Emotional Development Is Built into the Architecture of Their Brains: Working Paper No. 2.
Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
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