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You probably thought this would never happen. Your toddler is so sweet and loving. But suddenly you have a problem. It might be hitting, yelling or even biting. What's up? Is this what they mean by the terrible two's? And where did they pick this up anyway? You probably don't hit or hurt them when you're angry or frustrated.
Here's a quick quiz.
one
True or False? It's normal for toddlers and 2's to hit, kick and bite each other during play.
two
True or False? Since kicking, hitting and biting are normal behaviors for toddlers and 2's, it's OK to let it run it's course.
three
True or False? There isn't much we can do to stop hitting, kicking and biting in toddlers.
four
True or False? The best thing adults in charge can do to teach young children not to hurt each other is to give a time out to the child who started the problem.
five
True or False?
Our society is in trouble because people don't teach their children right from wrong.
Answers
The answer to the first question is true. It's perfectly normal for toddlers to hit, kick and bite at times. It's part of their development. They need to try behaviors out to know whether or not they work.
The answers to questions 2-5 are all false. Someone needs to teach young children how to get along with each other, hitting won't run it's course and it could become a automatic behavior or a habit, especially if it works to get what they're after.
Time-outs might not work because assigning blame is required and that can be difficult for everyone. Better to work on the problem itself.
And finally, are most parents teaching their kids right from right from wrong? Could that be the problem?
Empathy
Empathy has taken a nosedive in recent years. And so many good parents are trying. Here's a fact that's backed by research. Strict control and/or harsh parenting can cause many children to rebel or become overly anxious. Children who are treated harshly can become harsh and controlling themselves. (Bullies)
On the flip side, permissive parenting can have disastrous results. When kids get away with things and benefit from them, they can easily become habits that are very hard to break. Some children may even begin to feel entitled to certain things.
With all of that said, there are some specific things we can do to help our children get over
causing harm to others. Specific things we can do to build resilience to aggression.
High quality child care providers have a PLAN they follow to build resilience to aggression. A good teacher operating with good teacher/child ratios can actually teach assertiveness skills to children from birth-3.
If you're lucky enough to have high quality child care, work with your child's teachers closely on any type of aggression. High quality child care teachers are experts at creating good-natured control by using both language and environment.
Here's a short presentation you might want to read and share. It's called How To Respond When a Toddler Hits Or Hurts. In it
I'll share some of the secrets gleaned from 50 years of experience as a provider and parent educator. Click on the title link or the presentation cover to get yours for free today.
Just as negative experiences and exposures are more likely to have harmful impacts in early childhood, anything we do to protect children during that time is likely to have significant positive effects on development. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard
Early childhood rocks is a non-profit org designed to help and support early childhood teachers and parents. We also promote a collective collaboration between the two.
Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human dev from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI and is the founder of early childhood rocks, a non-profit org dedicated to creating change through early childhood education.
citation: National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004). Children’s Emotional Development Is Built into the Architecture of Their Brains: Working Paper No. 2.
Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
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