To Stop A Bully In Their Tracks, Say This!

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Everyone needs to hear this even if they already know. At early childhood rocks inc. we want human beings, young and old say these 6 words often and to say them with conviction.

I don't let anyone hit me!

Period.

Children learn by example. We don't want them to be bullied but we also don't want them to put themselves in any danger.

I often tell children to back away and keep their eyes on the bully while loudly and firmly saying "I don't let anyone hit me!" This can alert people nearby to the situation.

Here's a poster I created after hearing former FBI agent Candace DeLong talk about what she personally told her own young son about keeping safe.

She told him never to go with someone he didn't know and to yell , "NO!" if anyone tried, run away from the person quickly and tell a trusted adult about it right away.

Thanks, Candace. You can click on the poster and get one you can copy if you want.

Back to the question of hitting. If we teach our children to not let anyone hit them, we probably shouldn't hit them either, even if a consequence is needed. There are plenty of other consequences that can be used that make more sense.

I like to think that if we want to live in a peaceful world, we have to refrain from violence of any kind, including spanking.

I realize that all spanking isn't violent but at the same time I think there's a better way. After all, children do what we do, not what we say!

When someone tries to make a case for spanking as a consequence, I think of this little story.

My first job was as a teacher's aide in a 4K summer program for at-risk children.

On my first day, as I bent down to tie a child's shoe, another ran up quickly behind me and grabbed my ponytail trying to see if he could swing on it. This child, I'll call him "Joey", continued to be a challenge throughout the summer, often hitting and kicking other children to get his way.

Sometime during that summer job, I decided that working with young children

was rewarding even when they're difficult to deal with. That job led to a 50 year career in early childhood education and a masters degree in human development.

Fast forward 50 years to a conversation with my Father, a retired school principal.

I asked him to tell me again about how some of the parents he worked with over the years had proven their point about using physical punishment to control young children.

He said he had called some parents in to talk about their 10-year-old son's persistent fighting behaviors. The Dad emerged from his vehicle screaming and cursing about how he was going to beat the living tar out of the boy as soon as he could get his hands on him.

My Dad knew this Father well because he had been his teacher years ago. He had been violent back then. Now it was his son that was the behavior problem and my Father was the principal dealing with it.

What a family! No wonder the boy was so violent. The apple sure didn't fall far from the tree in this case. "Too bad their family name was Meany", my Dad said. Didn't help.

I said, 'Meany?! Was the son Joey Meany? The boy who pulled my hair on my first day of teaching ever? "

"Oh, I'm sure it was him", said my Dad. It was the same school district and the timing worked.

My Dad was really good at talking aggressive parents down. In this case, he was able to get the angry parent calm enough where he claimed he wasn't going to beat the heck out of the boy for fighting. Or at least that's what he said.

I hope he didn't and I hope Joey got some help along the way and some anger counselling as well, but in the meantime,

remember this phrase:

I don't let anyone hit me!

I think it's a good idea to teach our children to say this and to live by it.

Let me know what you think.

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY!  (click on the word) She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She has presented at statewide and nationwide conferences. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.

reflection: Do you think it's ever OK to use physical punishment on a child?

What are some alternatives to physical punishment?

How do you advise young children when dealing with bullies?